There was this 26 year old guy who happens to be working in a reputed company... his parents thinking that since he already has a good job and is independent and of the right age,begin searching for potential brides for this guy who had it all...the guy comes home and sees the "bio-data" of the girls that his parents have selected and he decides upon the girl whom he wishes to spend the rest of his life with...he meets her,gets to know her very well and finds that she's the girl of his dreams,the sweetest girl whom he could ever hope to find... everything goes off smoothly and the wedding is fixed...one fine day the parents of the boy come upto the girl's parents and asks them about the dowry formalities...the girl's parents knowing that the boy happens to have a good job as well as a good character tell the boy's parents that the dowry will be given and that they need not worry about it.
This is just a fictitious story and if you feel it bears any resemblence to you or someone else whom you know,I assure you that it is purely a coincidence...
All of us are aware of what a dowry system is all about... even though it was banned by law some 5 decades ago,it still takes place in a lot of "modern-day" marriages... what has changed in the recent past is that people have become more clever when it comes to dowries... instead of explicitly giving a dowry, the bride's parents shower the family of the bridegroom with all sorts of gifts,jewellery,sarees as a token of goodwill...so that they can still go outside and proudly say,with their heads held up high,"We did not give any dowry...The boy's family is so nice...they did not even ask for anything..."
The people who ask for a dowry are the people in the wrong according to us...we say,"Only because they asked,we gave...otherwise we would not have given..." I,on the other hand feel that the people who give the dowry are commiting the bigger crime...
My problem with this whole thing is simple....How can a father give money/gifts to the boy's family in order for that boy to marry his daughter....? How cheap is that...? It is more worse,I feel,than prostitution... atleast when it comes to a sex-worker, the guy has to pay money in order to get what he needs... but,in this case it is the other way around...in addition to giving his daughter,the father also gives various other gifts...which is ironic considering that a father allowing his daughter to go and spend the rest of her life happily ever after with another family is the biggest gift that he could possibly give to the boy's family...a gift that no amount of money can buy...
Another problem that I have with this system is that, why do the girl's parents feel as though they HAVE to give a dowry cause otherwise they will be looked badly upon by the society...? I understand that there are traditions and all that goes along with it... but when you know that it is wrong,why not just stop doing it...? why not..? We know that the general idea that the society has is wrong, so why are we worried about what they think....instead of following them,it is upto us to correct them...
One more thing that people will tend to say is that ," I have the necessary resources...so what if they are asking for a dowry? it amounts to hardly a fraction of what I have,so I'll just give,it's not a problem for me at all..." My take on this statement is that it's not about whether you are rich or not or whether you can afford it or not...it's about preserving your DIGNITY...as simple as that...
The ill-effects on dowry are many... dowry harrassment is one... dowry is connecetd to so many other problems that we are facing... female infanticide being the main thing,wherein people decide to abort the foetus if it is found to be that of a girl,especially in the rural areas...this is an whole other issue that I dont want to get into now...
I know that I have written things here that some of you might find it hard to digest or find it a bit harsh...But,as the saying goes, "We have to call a spade a spade"...
My view on this whole thing is simple... Only if we stop giving dowries,will people stop asking for it...and until people stop asking for it,call a spade a spade and not as a heart.
This is just a fictitious story and if you feel it bears any resemblence to you or someone else whom you know,I assure you that it is purely a coincidence...
All of us are aware of what a dowry system is all about... even though it was banned by law some 5 decades ago,it still takes place in a lot of "modern-day" marriages... what has changed in the recent past is that people have become more clever when it comes to dowries... instead of explicitly giving a dowry, the bride's parents shower the family of the bridegroom with all sorts of gifts,jewellery,sarees as a token of goodwill...so that they can still go outside and proudly say,with their heads held up high,"We did not give any dowry...The boy's family is so nice...they did not even ask for anything..."
The people who ask for a dowry are the people in the wrong according to us...we say,"Only because they asked,we gave...otherwise we would not have given..." I,on the other hand feel that the people who give the dowry are commiting the bigger crime...
My problem with this whole thing is simple....How can a father give money/gifts to the boy's family in order for that boy to marry his daughter....? How cheap is that...? It is more worse,I feel,than prostitution... atleast when it comes to a sex-worker, the guy has to pay money in order to get what he needs... but,in this case it is the other way around...in addition to giving his daughter,the father also gives various other gifts...which is ironic considering that a father allowing his daughter to go and spend the rest of her life happily ever after with another family is the biggest gift that he could possibly give to the boy's family...a gift that no amount of money can buy...
Another problem that I have with this system is that, why do the girl's parents feel as though they HAVE to give a dowry cause otherwise they will be looked badly upon by the society...? I understand that there are traditions and all that goes along with it... but when you know that it is wrong,why not just stop doing it...? why not..? We know that the general idea that the society has is wrong, so why are we worried about what they think....instead of following them,it is upto us to correct them...
One more thing that people will tend to say is that ," I have the necessary resources...so what if they are asking for a dowry? it amounts to hardly a fraction of what I have,so I'll just give,it's not a problem for me at all..." My take on this statement is that it's not about whether you are rich or not or whether you can afford it or not...it's about preserving your DIGNITY...as simple as that...
The ill-effects on dowry are many... dowry harrassment is one... dowry is connecetd to so many other problems that we are facing... female infanticide being the main thing,wherein people decide to abort the foetus if it is found to be that of a girl,especially in the rural areas...this is an whole other issue that I dont want to get into now...
I know that I have written things here that some of you might find it hard to digest or find it a bit harsh...But,as the saying goes, "We have to call a spade a spade"...
My view on this whole thing is simple... Only if we stop giving dowries,will people stop asking for it...and until people stop asking for it,call a spade a spade and not as a heart.
3 comments:
Did you see the movie Fool's Gold... Dowry is existent since 1715 as far as I know. People Don't change
Have not seen the movie.Is it a good one?What's it about?It's sad that it still continues,but it's high time that it's all broght to an end.
hey man wat u say about dowry is true....but just by callin a system bad n worse doesnt cure it.... saying like this is just like another religious preaching or communist teaching that doesnt cull the root cause....it reciprocates in another form as u call gifts...u need to empower women..make them independent. there comes the full stop.
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